God is Glorious.

This week started off so very rough. The news I received was quite gut wrenching. However, it was not like the news I got awhile ago. It was earth shattering, oh my gosh, what in the world kind of news. It was unsettling, but not completely disturbing.

Nonetheless, it means huge changes for me. I think the most I've learned about myself in the year of 2009 is that changes are a part of life. Some are good, some are bad, and some are mixed. I believe they are mostly mixed. We only like to think of them as being bad only. However, from a lot of those bad changes there are blessings.

In this year, I have been stretched and pulled in my faith - in unfathomable ways. I think I'll write a book in the future about such events. Anyhow, back to this week alone. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. I woke up Sunday never dreaming about the decisions I would be making this week. Each decision are BIG decisions.

The most important one to me right now is all that happened in the time frame of Tuesday to Thursday. Have you ever gotten a call from someone from your past? One that was not a good call. One that causes you to go into a panic attack with deep weeping. It was one of those phone calls. I was able to keep composure til after. However, I lost it then.

I am very fortunate to not live far from my friend/boss/senior minister. I went over to her house to debate the decision that is to come from that call. Everything that I had moved forward from was coming all straight back. It was not fair. It was not ok. It was pure audacity to even think they should call me. But, you know, in the moment, those thoughts were not there.

Wednesday was a day of coping. Finally, on Thursday evening, I had enough. After all that had happened in the week. I had no control. However, I could take the power away from them. I was not going to allow my life to be controlled anymore by them. I called. Now, not in a million years did I fathom that the person who answered would have.

I sat stunned, hearing that oh so familiar voice of my best friend. How I so wanted to just go back to the way things were. Just to pick up right where we left off. To go back to being so silly, laughter, the deepness, the love. However, that was not possible. He closed that door with his thoughtless actions.

I spoke my peace with such compassion and understanding, yet conveying my need for closure and to not be contacted again.

We said our goodbye. I got off the phone to be greeted with this feeling that I truly haven't felt in such a long time.

I was alive. I was joyous. I was proud. I was strong. I was loved by God. I was guided by God. I was given the strength from God.

Oh how majestic is our God!!! The things that have occurred this week have truly been blessings. This feeling is so joyous! I finally feel like I have closure. I finally feel like I can be truly be me again.

I am excited for the things to come. I know that through this all, I wouldn't have been able to make it without my faith. I am ever so thankful in the Lord. Never have I been walking alone. When I needed people, God sent them. When I needed to be pushed, God pushed. When I needed to let go, God took it.

Glorious is God. Glorious is God. God is Glorious. Amen.