Today, I found out that a dear friend passed away last night. It's been a long time since we've really seen each other. However, nonetheless I will miss him. He was a good man. My heart goes out to his family. He has a daughter my age and a son that is older. I was fortunate to talk to Jared to let him know. In our conversation, he asked how I was. I answered, with that or currently? He replied with that. I responded by saying, "I haven't really had time to process. However, I will be fine." Jared said, "that's what I'm afraid of."
It's been pointed out to me that apparently, when I'm not ok, my immediate response is I'm fine or I will be fine. I suppose I have the understanding that it is I who have to make myself become fine. I don't feel comfortable in sharing sometimes my feelings with others. It is not because of them at all. It's just me. I am the one with the problem. I'm not so sure if it's a problem or not. I keep trying to figure it out. I am capable of sharing my feelings it's just, I am sorry. I don't mean to hurt those around me. I feel as though, it does. I'm trying. I'm not so good at sharing because I don't want to be a burden. I know that I am not. It's just not in my nature to want to really have the attention to be focused on me.
At first, I wasn't sure what he meant. It caught me off guard. I then asked what he meant. He said I would figure it out. I then did. This morning, I had an impromptu Bible Study with a couple of the college students. We sat in my office and read Mark 4:35 -41. It's the story of Jesus calming the storm. I think that is part of my 'problem'. I know that Jesus will calm the storm. The winds will be rough and tough. It might be treacherous. However, I know that He will be there to fully understand how I am feeling, even when I don't. And even when I say, "I'm fine." He knows, (and a few of my friends) realize what I mean by that -F.eelings I.nside N.ot E.xpressed. Jesus will be the calming of the storms that are past, present, and future.
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