Tonight, after working nursery, Tim and I went to Starbuck’s. There, Tim was talking about how love can fix anything. We are to show love. He went on about the service tonight and how it made him realize that God loves us and that Jesus died for us. How could love not fix anything?
I had a Honey Latte, and on the cup was a quote, “You can learn a lot more from listening than you can from talking. Find someone with whom you don’t agree in the slightest and ask them to explain themselves at length. Then take a seat, shut your mouth, and don’t argue back. It’s physically impossible to listen with you mouth open.” –John Moe
Hmmm…it got me thinking.
Do you know those people in which they are trying to be someone that they are not? I probably am like that at times. I might act in a manner that truly isn’t me. But you know what I mean…people who absolutely deny who they are. I find that I lose a lot of patience with them. It’s probably because I see me in their flaws. However, it drives me bonkers when people don’t accept who they are…I know at times I “re-examine” my call. I get that we are to question who we are, but there some things that you just have to accept about yourself.
As Tim and I talked, it made me think about a few people. I struggle with people in this situation. I want to affirm them with love but at times it is very hard. There are two sides of this battle. First, I can show love at all times and listen to them with love and understanding. Or I could be kind and put boundaries up. If I do the second choice, which for me is very hard as well, am I denying them the love that they deserve?
However, we are all human. We aren’t capable of showing the love that Christ has. I struggle a lot with this. I care a lot. I want to be able to show this love to all. However, I realize that as a person I cannot.
Why is it that there are some people that I could sit down with and listen to them forever and be perfectly content while with others it is a struggle? I like “the Way I see it” quote for a few reasons. First, it makes me realize that I need to be a good listener. Secondly, it challenges me to try and listen to those and see if I can better understand them. Last but not least, it raises questions for me. In Acts 10: 34-43, it is calling us to be witnesses. This means that disregard less of how much a person has wronged us or annoys us with little petty things, we should take the time to show them love in whichever way they need it. Be in prayer for those who are struggling to find themselves and those who are in need of patience.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Squeaks and Squeals....No!
As I stepped out of my office today to go and run errands, I was reminded of something. The fresh beautiful air made me smile. I was filled with peace and calmness. I had this feeling of joy. It was pure absolute joy! I started thinking back on my life. I thought of those moments that I was thrilled and had excitement to the bones. Some of those moments are brought out through events or people.
I recall my first time working with Project Transformation. It was crazy. I had never done anything like that. I was going completely on faith. I really didn’t know much about the program. All I knew was that we worked with kids and lived all together. It was scary. I didn’t know a soul. I was excited for it though. Once I got there, I became at ease. It is so hard to jump out on blind faith.
Then as I progressed through it to different positions, each time, I remember the joy and energy I had for the program. I remember the good and the bad, but mostly the good. I also remember more vividly when I first found out about getting the job at Wesley. As soon as I hung up the phone, squeaks and squeals were released. What a relief! What a joy!
Then my first day…first week…first month….everyday was an adventure. There was, is, so much joy in being here.
I was reminded with all these feelings as I left the building for a little while. I remember the excitement and energy that was just exploding out of me. I stopped to wonder…why does it take an event or a person to bring out such joy.
Matthew 21:1-11, The Triumphal Entrance of Jesus, I think of all those people and the joy they must have felt; the anticipation, the exhilaration, the joy. If I had been there I think I would have felt those feelings the rest of my life. What an amazing feeling of knowing and seeing the Messiah.
Each and every day, we shall live with such anticipation. Each moment should be enthralling and blissful. We shall live with the elation of seeing Jesus enter in on the donkey and colt.
I recall my first time working with Project Transformation. It was crazy. I had never done anything like that. I was going completely on faith. I really didn’t know much about the program. All I knew was that we worked with kids and lived all together. It was scary. I didn’t know a soul. I was excited for it though. Once I got there, I became at ease. It is so hard to jump out on blind faith.
Then as I progressed through it to different positions, each time, I remember the joy and energy I had for the program. I remember the good and the bad, but mostly the good. I also remember more vividly when I first found out about getting the job at Wesley. As soon as I hung up the phone, squeaks and squeals were released. What a relief! What a joy!
Then my first day…first week…first month….everyday was an adventure. There was, is, so much joy in being here.
I was reminded with all these feelings as I left the building for a little while. I remember the excitement and energy that was just exploding out of me. I stopped to wonder…why does it take an event or a person to bring out such joy.
Matthew 21:1-11, The Triumphal Entrance of Jesus, I think of all those people and the joy they must have felt; the anticipation, the exhilaration, the joy. If I had been there I think I would have felt those feelings the rest of my life. What an amazing feeling of knowing and seeing the Messiah.
Each and every day, we shall live with such anticipation. Each moment should be enthralling and blissful. We shall live with the elation of seeing Jesus enter in on the donkey and colt.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
I Vacuumed My Gloves!
Almost three years ago, I went on a road trip to Winfield, KS. I went with my friend Tara. We were going to go and visit Meg and a few others there. Tara and I had the greatest time driving up there!
Once we got to Kansas, we realized it was a lot colder. On Saturday, Meg, Tara and I went to Wichita. We stopped at the Old Navy. We found this great deal on gloves. 2 for 10! So, Tara and I bought a pair. My gloves were fleece and were very nice.
I had come back from the trip and that next weekend, I was going on another one with the Wesley Foundation. I was driving, so I took my car to the car wash. I then started vacuuming it out. I saw as I was vacuuming in the backseat, I saw my gloves on the floor. I leaned over and threw a glove on my seat. As I reached for the other, the hose caught the other one and like that, it was gone. I stood there holding my single glove and looking at the hose. Whoosh! There went the other one. It got sucked out of my hand. In like two seconds my gloves were gone.
This story is probably better heard out loud. It is rather comical and something that would happen in a sitcom. However, it’s all true. That is the story of how I vacuumed my gloves up.
This has been a crazy week. It has been one of many things: stress, business, and joy. It has been fast paced and it has been slow paced. I have been energized and I have been tired. One thing has been certain. It has been a week of exploration.
There have been times of questioning myself. I have been wondering who I am. What is my purpose? What am I doing? Why do I do that? There have been other questions…I am sure.
I’ve came to the conclusion that I am a person who strives to be a good person. As I’ve came to this conclusion, I began to wonder what makes a good person. I think if we look at the scripture 1 Corinthians 4-6, we can see how a good person should act through love. Love is what defines us and how we share this love makes up who we are. We are to be patient, protect, trust, hope and persevere. We are not to be envious, boast, be rude, or angered. We are not to keep record of wrongs. We are to forgive.
I wonder how we can do these things when we allow our lives to be consumed by the world. I know my life sometimes is over taken. I feel as though sometimes I lose control. My days are filled with going to the office, class, studying, Wesley Foundation, family, and friends. It becomes so stacked up sometimes, that I don’t allow myself that moment to stop and smell the roses, which is ironic.
As I keep going and going like the Energizer bunny, I feel as though I am pulling away. I feel disconnected from God, my family/friends, and myself. I am not allowing myself to be there for them. I close myself off to them. What good is that? How is that being good as I defined? It is not. What can we do to become revitalized? This week the scripture is John 11:1-44. Lazarus was brought to life. Over Lent, it is a wonderful time of being able to reflect.
It is very effortless to allow ourselves to be sucked up in this world. It is as simple as my gloves being sucked up in the vacuum cleaner. It took only a second of looking away for them to be gone. If we allow ourselves to look away for a short time - our faith can be sucked away.
We need to be aware and allow our faith to live on. As we have looked at themes of grace, renewal, and now resurrection, we can see how we should be living. It is not a simple thing to do. It is a struggle. Don't look away and watch out for the vacuum hoses out there!
Once we got to Kansas, we realized it was a lot colder. On Saturday, Meg, Tara and I went to Wichita. We stopped at the Old Navy. We found this great deal on gloves. 2 for 10! So, Tara and I bought a pair. My gloves were fleece and were very nice.
I had come back from the trip and that next weekend, I was going on another one with the Wesley Foundation. I was driving, so I took my car to the car wash. I then started vacuuming it out. I saw as I was vacuuming in the backseat, I saw my gloves on the floor. I leaned over and threw a glove on my seat. As I reached for the other, the hose caught the other one and like that, it was gone. I stood there holding my single glove and looking at the hose. Whoosh! There went the other one. It got sucked out of my hand. In like two seconds my gloves were gone.
This story is probably better heard out loud. It is rather comical and something that would happen in a sitcom. However, it’s all true. That is the story of how I vacuumed my gloves up.
This has been a crazy week. It has been one of many things: stress, business, and joy. It has been fast paced and it has been slow paced. I have been energized and I have been tired. One thing has been certain. It has been a week of exploration.
There have been times of questioning myself. I have been wondering who I am. What is my purpose? What am I doing? Why do I do that? There have been other questions…I am sure.
I’ve came to the conclusion that I am a person who strives to be a good person. As I’ve came to this conclusion, I began to wonder what makes a good person. I think if we look at the scripture 1 Corinthians 4-6, we can see how a good person should act through love. Love is what defines us and how we share this love makes up who we are. We are to be patient, protect, trust, hope and persevere. We are not to be envious, boast, be rude, or angered. We are not to keep record of wrongs. We are to forgive.
I wonder how we can do these things when we allow our lives to be consumed by the world. I know my life sometimes is over taken. I feel as though sometimes I lose control. My days are filled with going to the office, class, studying, Wesley Foundation, family, and friends. It becomes so stacked up sometimes, that I don’t allow myself that moment to stop and smell the roses, which is ironic.
As I keep going and going like the Energizer bunny, I feel as though I am pulling away. I feel disconnected from God, my family/friends, and myself. I am not allowing myself to be there for them. I close myself off to them. What good is that? How is that being good as I defined? It is not. What can we do to become revitalized? This week the scripture is John 11:1-44. Lazarus was brought to life. Over Lent, it is a wonderful time of being able to reflect.
It is very effortless to allow ourselves to be sucked up in this world. It is as simple as my gloves being sucked up in the vacuum cleaner. It took only a second of looking away for them to be gone. If we allow ourselves to look away for a short time - our faith can be sucked away.
We need to be aware and allow our faith to live on. As we have looked at themes of grace, renewal, and now resurrection, we can see how we should be living. It is not a simple thing to do. It is a struggle. Don't look away and watch out for the vacuum hoses out there!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
That's what I'm afraid of...
Today, I found out that a dear friend passed away last night. It's been a long time since we've really seen each other. However, nonetheless I will miss him. He was a good man. My heart goes out to his family. He has a daughter my age and a son that is older. I was fortunate to talk to Jared to let him know. In our conversation, he asked how I was. I answered, with that or currently? He replied with that. I responded by saying, "I haven't really had time to process. However, I will be fine." Jared said, "that's what I'm afraid of."
It's been pointed out to me that apparently, when I'm not ok, my immediate response is I'm fine or I will be fine. I suppose I have the understanding that it is I who have to make myself become fine. I don't feel comfortable in sharing sometimes my feelings with others. It is not because of them at all. It's just me. I am the one with the problem. I'm not so sure if it's a problem or not. I keep trying to figure it out. I am capable of sharing my feelings it's just, I am sorry. I don't mean to hurt those around me. I feel as though, it does. I'm trying. I'm not so good at sharing because I don't want to be a burden. I know that I am not. It's just not in my nature to want to really have the attention to be focused on me.
At first, I wasn't sure what he meant. It caught me off guard. I then asked what he meant. He said I would figure it out. I then did. This morning, I had an impromptu Bible Study with a couple of the college students. We sat in my office and read Mark 4:35 -41. It's the story of Jesus calming the storm. I think that is part of my 'problem'. I know that Jesus will calm the storm. The winds will be rough and tough. It might be treacherous. However, I know that He will be there to fully understand how I am feeling, even when I don't. And even when I say, "I'm fine." He knows, (and a few of my friends) realize what I mean by that -F.eelings I.nside N.ot E.xpressed. Jesus will be the calming of the storms that are past, present, and future.
It's been pointed out to me that apparently, when I'm not ok, my immediate response is I'm fine or I will be fine. I suppose I have the understanding that it is I who have to make myself become fine. I don't feel comfortable in sharing sometimes my feelings with others. It is not because of them at all. It's just me. I am the one with the problem. I'm not so sure if it's a problem or not. I keep trying to figure it out. I am capable of sharing my feelings it's just, I am sorry. I don't mean to hurt those around me. I feel as though, it does. I'm trying. I'm not so good at sharing because I don't want to be a burden. I know that I am not. It's just not in my nature to want to really have the attention to be focused on me.
At first, I wasn't sure what he meant. It caught me off guard. I then asked what he meant. He said I would figure it out. I then did. This morning, I had an impromptu Bible Study with a couple of the college students. We sat in my office and read Mark 4:35 -41. It's the story of Jesus calming the storm. I think that is part of my 'problem'. I know that Jesus will calm the storm. The winds will be rough and tough. It might be treacherous. However, I know that He will be there to fully understand how I am feeling, even when I don't. And even when I say, "I'm fine." He knows, (and a few of my friends) realize what I mean by that -F.eelings I.nside N.ot E.xpressed. Jesus will be the calming of the storms that are past, present, and future.
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