I know it's been awhile since I've been on here. Part of that reason is the fact that I pretty much write outlines of sermons on here. Since, I've been working on one...I didn't want to get clouded. However, that one is well on it's way. Here it goes.
As I write this...I just want to cry. There isn't anything that I should cry over. I just feel like crying. I realize some of why I want to cry, but it seems pointless. I don't think it would make me feel better...I'm not sure.
It has just been a long day. I worked a ten hour day. I'm not sure how; but I did. It's me. I am a problem. No, wait. Expectations are a problem. Everywhere you turn....there they are.
I have them from myself, my family, friends, co-workers, youth, everyone. I'm expected to be happy, perky, and delightful 24/7. I am to accomplish all things, take care of everyone/thing, never be upset, I expect myself to do these things as well. It's unrealistic...I know. That's why I am crazy.
Sometimes, I wish, maybe even pray, that I could just rebel. However, I just don't know how to. Sure, I could tear up some paper and maybe swear like a sailor. But we all know the end result, there I would be; picking up the paper to recycle it and repenting of my horrible words.
I see people just get so caught up in their emotions of anger and sometimes I wish I could share in that experience. If I were it would not be natural. In fact, that would mean that I was not fine. I suppose the whole world would explode if I were to not be freakin' fine!
This blows.
This is why I am not a saint.
However, it's FINE. I will be FINE...just like always...I'll do my duty and I will save the whole freakn' world again.
